I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
organizing the empties. That sober.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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