Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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