There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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