apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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