Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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