if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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