youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
