my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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