I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
