that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I looked at my own cervix.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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