he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
