its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I want you more than these girls want KFC
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
