Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
