i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
