I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize