she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize