Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize