Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
