I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
