who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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