Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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