the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
