yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
