I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
