Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
