she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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