I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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