frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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