See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
