Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
