Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
