THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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