yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
