We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
