it was like eating out sand paper
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
