How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
