so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
