There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
