She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
