the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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