just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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