I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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