I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
