You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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