the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
