So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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