I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I lost the right to judge tonight
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
