new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
