Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How does it feel to date your dad?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
