At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
