The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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