i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
