if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal