i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky