We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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