so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
did i just pee glitter
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
