I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
