Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
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No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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