I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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