I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
