I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
