I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
