god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
