some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
