i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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