Girls should come with a carfax report
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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