Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
