A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
