A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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