IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
