Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
