I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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