Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
