Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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