be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
