if i can run in heels then i can drive
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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