Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
