dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
