I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
