By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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