I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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